parents just don't understand

So i get into a semi argument with my mother tonight...

She keeps saying "why don't you apply for those jobs? Even though they are asking for experience, you should just apply"

Yes i will apply for certain jobs which although experience is requested, i still think i can get the job done but when the job asks for 3 years experience in coronary care....i think its safe to say that applying for the job would be a waste of time.

She also keeps telling me to apply for jobs that would take me 2 hours to get to...Now i'm alright with travelling but when i have to get there for 7 in the am, that 2 hour drive during the day would take 2 1/2 or 3 hours with traffic.

Its like she thinks i'm giving up on nursing but i'm not...i just understand that its not only going to take time, but it as much as i should be going for anything i can get, i need to know my limitations.

There are times where i really do want to give up. I feel like its just so hard and that maybe there's something else i can do or should do. I feel like one day God will say to me, "You know kid, as much as i know you want to do nursing, there's something better for you out there." But then there are days where God is going to tell me "Your time is coming kid, just hold on a little longer!"

I guess we shall see which one im told...for now, i have an interview with an airline lol

love.live.life
-S

Relationship fuck up on purpose?

So with my current insomnia for the last little while, i've been thinking about my past relationships...because you know when you can't sleep...you have to analyze!

Anyway, i've come to the conclusion that with all of my relationships with the exception of one, i've done something to manipulate the relationship and essentially cause it to end. Now i'm aware that i'm doing it, and i'm not quite sure why i do it...but it always seems to happen. I cheated on one and didn't want to be with them knowing i was with someone else...with another, i had a wandering eye and we grew apart. With another one, i grew bored of him...moreso in the sense that i felt stagnated by our relationship and its lack of direction...but i'm thinking it was moreso of the fact that i wanted nothing more than to fuck around and be free but then again...i was a teenager.

I'm lying. That last one i spoke of was a great love to me. He taught me more than words can describe and there are days where i wish we stayed together because he made me happy. He made me sane, and he gave great head. At the end of the day, our demise was each other. We hadn't paid attention to each other like we used to and as a result, he went one way and i went another. We are good friends today thank god, but ever so often i look at him and i still see us at the alter saying "i do".

Anyway, enough of that mushy crap. Essentially, its almost 5 am and i was thinking. Do i love hard and fast until the circumstances no longer suit my purposes? Or do i like ending up in situations where i have to learn the hard way why not to fall for someone like them...

I lied in the beginning as well. I don't always manipulate the relationship to end...i get to a point where i get so scared of it going further and i mess it up, like my first relationship, that i somehow make something happen to cause its ending.

Maybe i'm talking too much crap because its so early and i don't get much sleep lately.

Maybe its the truth. Who knows. At this point, i'm dating someone and we have already spoken of marriage...(i've known him for 7 years...it was easy) not necessarily to each other, but the topic in general...we shall see how far this goes before i get scared...although im pretty sure i'm at that point now...

-S

It's been a minute

It's been a while since i've been on here and its mostly because a lot has happened from the last time i was on here....

Firstly, the job was lost due to the lack of correct management on their part. Basically, when you have teenagers running a company (not literally but you know what i mean) and you refuse to listen to your first line workers then you run the risk of losing majorly. This is exactly what has happened to this company and frankly i saw it coming last year when i started working there. I knew it was going to happen but i'm not sad...i'm not worried because i always seem to find myself back on my feet when it comes to working and making money so meh....


In other news, while i was on vacation in FL in july, a week after i found out i lost my job, i found out that i finally passed my exam!!!! I'm so excited because its been so much in the making. It has taken so much time and i'm just happy my last exam is finally done. I may not have to take another exam for the rest of my life. That is such a gratifying feeling that i cannot even describe. It makes me feel new and fresh....During the time that i was waiting for my results, my ex released his album and a song on there helped me relax and reevaluate my life. It made me really turn to God and ask him to let things happen. I had a talk with God. I know to some that may sound stupid but honestly, i needed to. I told him that i was grateful to still be alive. I told him that no matter what happens, that i know he has a plan for me and that i know i just need to relax and know that God would never let anything happen that he knows i cannot handle. I said thank you and that at the end of the day, i need to just let it go and let things happen. I need to free myself of any struggles that i feel and know that God will help me accomplish what i need to do. And that is exactly what is happening. I'm happy i finally did it because i don't think i've ever felt this relaxed and this happy. I know i've said that before but i really feel that this time. I feel light and happy. I think this is actually the reason why everything else in my life is falling into place.

In other news, i'm finally done with my ex and he just might be done with me to. Am i ok with that? At this point, with the way it happened, i might be because i feel like i was made out to be some heartless bitch who strung this guy along and didn't tell him that i was done. It had been over a year and i never made any inclinations that i wanted to be back with him and i told him time and time again not to wait for me because i wasn't sure i wanted to be back with him at the end of the day. My heart had moved on and while something in me knew i needed to tell him that it was done and over, it was hard to. When i finally did, i got a very angry response, granted it was warranted but at the end of the day, you don't ask for your stuff back and think that you can then act like some sort of torrid victim when it has been a year.

Sigh....in any case, we aren't talking and i'm alright with that. Right now i'm dating someone new and he's really cool. I've given myself time to really reevaluate myself and to just feel better about myself. I've told him i'm damaged goods and he laughed. He said that we can work on that and each other and i'm ok with that. I'm still technically single but i am not having sex and i'm dating this guy almost exclusively.

We shall see what will happen with that. So yea...thats what has been going on in my life lol....

Its been quite hectic. Right now i'm in Florida enjoying the sun and my last remnants of summer...Hope anyone else who actually takes the time to read this...is doing the same.

xoxo
-S