So update time!

I'm no longer having sex with my ex.

I can't do it anymore....after all this time, which technically has only been about 3 months or so...i don't trust him. And if i really wanna trust him, how can i build that and have sex with the man? Thats really not about to happen though lol...so i've stopped it

I've also actually stopped having sex all together which was alright up until a couple days ago when this guy i know, told me he was working out....and hes sexy as hell...which gave me images and it was a wrap from then. I'm seeing him in a couple weeks and i think i might come to a breaking point with this whole celibacy thing and fuck him real good.....but we never know lol

That isn't my intention for visiting, please keep in mind lol....i'm going to genuinely see him and where he's living now and whatnot....plus, i really need to get out of Toronto lol....so hey, i get a little snog in while i'm there, then who am i to refrain from it? haha

I guess we will see how long this celibacy crap goes on for...fuck its hard.....

why you ask? just the other day, i was asked by a dude when he's gonna get into my bedroom....and i really really wanna. But his friend is a guy who is supposedly really into me lol....quite the coincidink...isn't it haha....

Would it be a bad thing to have sex with this guy? Probably lol...am i going to? we shall seee lol


Mwah!

-S

I'm a slave...

Fuck that girl that you love so bad, 

I know you still think of those times we had...

Fuck that girl that you think you found, 

and since you picked up, i know that she's not around...

im just saying, we could do better...tell me how you heard that lately...

im just saying, we could do better...and ill start hating, if you let me...

I need to stop wanting a man who isn't free for it. But i can't stop thinking about the sex....

Slave to my kitten, i suppose...

-S

my dream

I had a dream...

I was sitting, waiting to enter a banquet for something, doing some bhangra dance with a few friends, but then my ex shows up out of no where and pays attention to my two  friends and doesn't pay me any mind.

I sit on the floor because i feel like my ego and emotions are all out of wack, then i see some guy walk up to me. I looked up and it was my best freind from my childhood. I got up and gave him the biggest hug and started crying....

It felt so real...

He then said "i'm back for good...and i'm not going anywhere again"

Words i've been waiting for, for many years now...

We hugged, i introduced him to people, we found people who know who he was  and why he disappeared....then my dream finished....i woke up dissappointed because i know that sometimes my dreams come true...and i know deep down this one never will...

I miss you J.C....i wish you were here and not stuck in a life i don't think you should be in...

-S

So apparently...

I'm going to get just as big as my cousin who is nearing 300 pounds because i eat awfully and don't even attempt exercise and all i do all day is stuff my face...

Although these past two weeks i've been trying to work out every day...

Although, i've also tried drinking at least a litre of water every day and have been peeing like a horse...

Although, its been seen and told to that i'm trying to make better food choices, and better portion control....

But that doesn't seem to matter to her...not at all....

Because i still continue to eat everything inside the house, even though i've been told numerous times that i never eat what's here....

Then she wonders where all the weight came from when she has an emotional eater for a daughter...

Thanks mom! You will never know how your words contributed to 30 pounds of support and late night solo dining parties with my computer...

-S

I keep thinking about him...

I can't help but think about him....

but the thoughts are purely erotic...

Imaging his lips on every part of my body....mmm

I love summer...i swear my horniness exponentially increases and as much as it hurts my soul...i can't help but enjoy every second of the thoughts:P

-S