last night was fun!

a lot of fun....but i couldn't help but feel like the ugly friend....

ok not so harsh...the not as pretty as the other two friends..friend
Normally i don't feel this way when i'm on my own...i just tend to feel not always at my best but last night...i dunno.

I guess what might have done it, is that my bestie and her friend were getting so much attention from these guys and i'm not really sure if it was because they knew the guys, or if it was something else...

Unfortunately for me, whenever i'm with my bestie, i tend to feel like the not so attractive one. She's gorgeous and i'm not jealous of that...but sometimes i feel fat, or i feel just not attractive, whether it be with my curly hair, or my not so flat stomach...or my legs that i refuse to show because they have cellulite on them and i just don't feel all that comfortable.

But ya, i digress....i think it just stems back to the fact that i still have this element of shyness to me that i can't seem to shake...that and i feel like i don't have the confidence to just walk up to a guy i think is cute,and say just that...you're cute!

It also makes me wonder what it is about me that guys don't come up to me and say i'm pretty...but at the same time...its like why the fuck should i even care right?

I guess i'm not as comfortable in my own skin as i thought....


I have a month to change that hahaha...because Florida is not forgiving...or so i hear and i want to look and feel good when i go:)

-S

damaged....

I spent a good chunk of tonight crying...

I'm damaged goods...

Trust issues

I have them...and they were recently amped up a bit...

And then i found this song....

I love Drake haha

He always understands me:)

-S

Set fire to the rain...

I am in love with Adele's album, 21.

The whole album speaks to me because i know how it feels to feel everything she felt in each of her songs...its quite interesting.

It's really good! Her voice has amazing range and is just beautiful to the ear....man!

Here's a song that I've been listening to constantly for the past couple days...

It's called someone like you...it speaks to me as per recent events...

I hope i find someone like you in the future....because right now i can't be with you...

Change

Everytime i think i'm that same person from last year...just with a new experience...i realize that i'm lying to myself.

I'm never the same person....every year, something changes within me to make the next year a completely new one. Normally i'm one for change but this is just getting ridiculous now lol

I feel like i'm losing the person i thought i was and enjoyed being, into this new person that i've become and i'm not sure that i like it. But then again, i felt the same way last year and learned to become accustomed to the changes that had come....maybe thats all i need?

Change.

Change of scenery?
Change within my circle of friends?
Change in myself?

Just change...

Lose yourself....or end up losing yourself in the process...you decide

Sigh. On the bright side, i think i've had my last cigarette for a very long time! so yaay  for that change haha

-S

old things become new again

So i was chilling on my desktop, going through my documents and stuff...and i found this and laughed lol....so i felt like sharing:)


I wonder what life might be. With the rising and setting of the sun, thoughts pour in and out of my head.
Can it stop?
Will i want it to?
Never!
It keeps me alive like the music i breathe.
Breathe in. I get money.
Breathe out. True love.
Will i pass this course? Kiss kiss.
Will i drop another guy? No regrets.
It's what i do.
It's how i cope with the everyday.
Few don't understand while others try to and stop before they begin.
I don't expect others to understand my thoughts.
That's why they are my thoughts.
Flowing like the Nile down a path....
No end in sight.
No beginning to learn from.
I wonder why i wonder so much. All it causes is a headache. Reminds me of math when i try.
Functions and equations.
Not for me.
I guess it helps me function when it equates to my situation.
As i lay here, motionless. I think again about the next thought.
Will i remember him?
Have i given up on love?
Will the Raptors lose again?
Thoughts. Images. Dreams. Aspirations. Desires. Longings.
All the same, yet all different.
Playing like a symphony in my mind.
Inna my heart.
Maybe i think too much.
Probably.
Definately.
Never. Neverending.
Thoughts

i'm so fucking...

HORNY! oh my gawd!

I don't know why but ever so often..i keep touchin maself....

This is bad lol...

Fuck! i just wanna fuck....is that so much to ask?!

-S

the job...

I didn't get the job at the hospital i wanted to work at...

I'm sad.

But i could tell from the interview that i wasn't going to get it....i fumbled..i wasn't confident...and i was at the beginnings of strep throat without even knowing it. But i can't make excuses right?

I really hope i can find a job at another hospital, or in the same hospital. Or somewhere...but right now, i'm just sad and disappointed in myself.

I think its because i thought i made a big impression, didn't make mistakes and was upfront with who i was as a person but i guess it wasn't enough. Hopefully one day...

-S

This summer is gonna be epic

It needs to be epic!....

I have a bucket list to complete if not, check things off.

There are things that just needs to happen this summer haha

Here are some stuff off my bucket list...

-Travel to at least 2 states
-Sleep with a lady
-Dance in Caribana whether it be in the parade or just off to the sideline with my friends...(fuck its new name!)
-do something daring that i would never do...( this one has already been checked off...went streaking with a mask on :))


Thats all i got so far...but all i know is that i should better get some if not all this stuff done:P and so much more